love pangs

Your words slicing through my brain

Elegance of razor blades

A surgeon’s touch

You knew where to cut

Such small wounds I never even saw them

I thought I imagined the pain

Never thought that you,

My doctor, my priest, my savior

Titles you gave yourself

Could command so much confidence

Could do so much damage

Doubts, small white birds

Fluttered in

Telling me of coming cold and rains

I didn’t understand their language

We chased them away together,

Holding hands and laughing

 

You floated so serenely above everything

I believed you close to walking

On my troubled waters

But I couldn’t float

So I tried sinking, and learned I could swim

Mud streaking my face

Seaweed in my hair

I emerged the monster

But dry land never felt so good

To wobbly legs

And now I still find bits of your dirt

Clinging to my heart

Dripping from my fingers

Leaving muddy footprints and dirtying my sheets

I have washed so many times

I am still not rid of your scent

But at times I find

A soft salty stream

To bathe my eyelashes

And drip off my chin

Makes sting those tiny incisions

Forgotten but not gone

The sweetness of the pain

As they are washed clean

The sweetness of the scream

As I release

A little bit more

A little bit more

And one of these days

My floors cleaned

My hair combed

My scent my own

I will look around

And you will be gone.